Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Becoming Real

It's starting to feel real.  The hospital admission has been confirmed and plans starting to gel into place. The possibility that we may be walking away with a RSS diagnosis.  The hope that we will have something for Aerynn to eat very very soon. And the fact that mum and bub will be away from the family for an unspecified length of time.

It's all taking a toll on our stress levels and playing on our minds. 

We will cope, the day will come, the time will pass.  But in the meantime I'm kinda scared about what next week will bring. 

We've been told different things from different people who have had similar food trials in hospital.  I'm trying to not stress but knowing how Aerynn has reacted to all food previously I have to admit I am a little concerned.  On a plus with that I will only have her to concentrate on.  I wont have my attention divided between her and the house and a husband and 4 other children and other social appointments etc etc...  But I am a bit nervous about not having Nathan with me.  As much as I grumble and (jokingly) complain about him and the likes he is a great assistant with the kids and if I've been trying to settle Aerynn all night and day I at least know he will make me a coffee and hold her so I can shower or go to the toilet.. I wont have that in the hospital... I don't even know what facilities there are for parents so am feeling a little ill-prepared for what to expect there. 

We still have a few practicalities to work out...  What to pack to start with.  Aerynn can't wear disposable nappies so I need to take her cloth in.  There are washing facilities at the hospital but I don't know how often I will be able to get away from Aerynn to use them :/  So how many cloth nappies and wipes should I take?!?!  Her whole stash???  oh Lordy.. too hard LOL  If she reacts she can go through up to 14 nappies a day!!!  Then clothing.. how much to take, and what kind?  Will we be allowed to wander around and socialise or will it be a strict - in room under observation kind of thing?  Do I only pack her jammies???  And do we go down to Melbourne on Sunday and relax for the night and Monday morning waiting for the call to go in, or drive down Monday morning and grab a coffee at the hospital cafe if we get there early enough and wait there to be called in???

I know, totally trivial, the big thing is that it IS happening!!!  This time next week we will be in hospital hopefully getting answers or closer than we are now at the very least :)

For now, the family is really struggling with the split meal thing and not eating in front of Aerynn.  We have to remind the older children constantly and Miss A sees them eat and we end up with huge tantrums with her demanding the food and then watching her heart break with the realisation that it wont be forthcoming.  Add to that Aerynn is still really clingy.  She has been screaming on and off the last couple of days.  I don't know what is happening inside her to make her continue to be miserable.  It could be a wonder week, it could be a reaction.  I really don't know...  I only hope we get the answers we are so desperate for next week so we can start to fit the puzzle pieces together.

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