Monday, August 5, 2013

Deteriorated again...

It's been a super rough 12 hours. Aerynn is still spiking the occasional temperature and her gastrointestinal symptoms have become much worse. She has gone from having liquid and jelly like stools to being almost constipated with mucous and blood. She is doubling over and screaming in pain and fear for the 25-30 minutes it takes to evacuate her bowels - picture a woman in final stages if labour and you have our Aerynn. 

I'm trying to be brave and calm for her but it is tearing me up inside. I shouldn't be having to take my daughters hands and help her stand but at the same time be doubled over in order to use her bowels; be looking into her tear filled eyes that are full of questions and pain, she doesn't understand and I can't answer her questions... We have no answers. Where in the world does anyone think that it is ok to go I like this? I wish we had better paediatrics health facilities here. we shouldn't have to weigh up is it worth traveling the 2-2.5 hours to get our daughter checked out by a facility we trust. For that matter there is no way I can get her into the car when she is having these symptoms so I couldn't even get her there if I tried :( 

She has just fallen into a restless sleep beside me. I have Toby on my chest. He was woken by her screams. He too is freshly asleep. I'll pop him into bed and come back and snuggle Aerynn and try to get some sleep as well. At the moment I am averaging 2-3 hours of sleep of a night. It's been this way since Aerynn took ill over 3 weeks ago. I'm absolutely physically exhausted and emotionally shattered but there is no choice but to put one foot after the other and trudge on... 

I'm wishing we had better paediatrics facilities, I wish my baby girl had answers, I pray every night and day that Aerynn will wake healthy and smiling but fir the immediate future we know that wont be happening... Instead I hope for happy dreams, and some decent sleep for us all - that at least may be possible ;)

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