If I Could Turn Back time....

If only I could find a way....

Honestly, I know it's cliche but I don't want to go too far back, just a few days, mere hours in the scheme of things...  But I can't.

They say knowledge is power... at the moment I'm saying ignorance is bliss... Well was....

We finally got some blood sugar test strips for Aerynns BSL meter.  We tested... and tested again... and again... and again... 

I don't know what it means in the long run but Aerynns blood sugars are swinging.  They're not showing the dramatic lows we expected.  Rather lows here, lows there and what surpised us all is highs! She is recording levels that hang around 6.6-7.9's most of the time, they have dropped right down to 3.2 and 3.5 on a number of occasions and then soared up to 10.6! It probably doesn't mean much to most people.  I thought our first reading of 6.1 was good (I even posted on facebook at how happy I was at that reading for a midnight read 5 hours after eating) but apparently blood sugar levels should be under 5.  I was celebrating a slightly high reading *doh*

I spent most of Thursday and Friday on the phone (or more to the point waiting on call backs!!!) to Aerynns GP and Paed trying to work out where we are going from here.  Her GP is quite concerned and wants her to be seen ASAP, her Paed appears concerned as well and would like her seen by an endocrinologist whilst we are at Melbourne in a couple of days.  I don't know if that is going to happen though as time is running out in getting an appointment. 

So for now we continue to test, log, notorise EVERYTHING - as in sniffles, sleeps, food, drinking, headaches, listlessness, over-excitements, injuries, upset, tantrums etc etc etc.. basically anything that can have a result on blood sugars needs to be recorded as well as her tests.

It breaks my heart to hear her say to me "no sorry" after I kept apologising every time she cried after pricking her finger or toes...  It's tearing me apart that she knows what pain is, even though it's little pains, it's discomfort a child shouldn't have to know.  She has started to hide her hands against her body when she sees the test kit come out.  Life shouldn't be like this but for so many kidlets it is.  And I am hoping that Aerynn wont have to worry about it too much longer, but for now we trudge on and try to work past the emotional side of that something like this brings with it.  I'm trying not to worry but take each day, hour, minute etc at a time.  Hoping that this is just a little hiccup and something that can be sorted out nice and easily...

Wishing I could turn back time to when Aerynn had no idea what a lancet was, or what a drop of blood is or that her mummy is ever so sorry she is having to hurt her... wishing I could turn back time to when we simply thought there was something "odd" not thinking that anything would really come of it... back to a time where I had no idea that 6.1 was a slightly elevated BSL result...

Turning back time is not possible.   We have results now so ostrich syndrome (AKA sticking head in the sand AKA ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away) is no longer possible... 

Wishing I could turn back time, knowing I can't and feeling relieved that these symptoms aren't in my head, I'm not exaggerating them and knowing that we may have some answers soon, but at the same time incredibly scared that these answers may have long term implications and other health complications.

If only I could turn back time...

Ignorance is bliss, knowledge is power... but with knowledge comes responsibility...

**scared**

Something's not quite right...

I'm sitting here with my heart in my throat deeply worried for our little girl.

October 6, 2013.  Aerynn in the paddock behind our house in Nangwarry, South Australia

Something is seriously not right with her and to be quite frank I'm almost too scared to let my exhausted brain out for a wander to try and work out what it is.  I'm falling back at the mercy of the doctors now.  Aerynn has developed migraines, disorientation and generally not being "with it"  She swings from being happy and "normal" one minute to pale, clammy and unwell the next.  She can become aggressive when in the disorientated phases and start vomiting during them and become incredibly distressed.  She has no control over these changes.  I have no control over my fear of them. 

Right now it is 10.43am on a sunny Friday morning.  Aerynn woke at 6am, disorientated, pale, screaming.  She crawled into our bed and had 450ml of her neocate and then started becoming super aggressive towards me and Toby.  10 minutes later she calmed down and fell asleep.  She slept there for 35 minutes, woke, finished off her sippy cup (approximately 250ml more neocate) and went straight back to sleep.  Since then she has awoken 2 more times, grizzled, cried and fallen back to sleep. she is now onto "nap" number 5 for the morning.  She has no temperature, her cheeks are now pinking out but otherwise I can see no reason for her needing to sleep when she usually only has an afternoon nap.  I'm worried. 

Luckily we have a doctor appointment this afternoon...

This mornings activities are becoming more and more frequent.  She is still waking around 3 times overnight for sippy or just a snuggle and resettle. 

Since recovering from her measles (which took almost 2 weeks to clear all the spots and symptoms!!) Aerynn's health has not really picked up.  I can't pin-point exactly what is wrong which is why wen we saw the paed last week I was certain she was going to say it was just me, I was depressed or seeing things or just a mental case.  Honestly, I was prepared to be told it was all in my head.  Instead she looked at me and said that it is real.  Something is going on with our little girl. 

At the moment we are suspecting she may be getting the headaches due to possible hypoglycaemia.  Basically low blood sugars.  It shouldn't happen in a child but sometimes it does.  She said there may be no reason for it, it could just be another "it's just Aerynn" situation.  We have purchased a blood glucose monitor so we can start testing her during the day to keep an eye on her and see if there is any patterns emerging.  When he gets disorientated and headachey we have to test her and I will also be testing night and morning.  The other possibility on the table is epilepsy.  We have epilepsy on both sides of our family.  Nathan (Aerynns daddy) had epilepsy as a child so it is a link.  I don't really want to think of what other options there are that could explain her current situation, these two are enough to be sending my head in a spin!

Now blood glucose monitors, testing strips etc etc are a little bit of a headache.  Because we are not looking at a diagnosis of diabetes only possible hypoglycaemia we do not get any subsadies or private health reimbursments.  Even though we have private health and it covers meters and the peripherals that go with them unless we have a formal diagnosis of diabetes we will get no assistance.  It really suck!  I know $50 for a meter isn't that bad, but the ongoing costs are huge!  It's $65 for one box of 100 test strips.  Considering we will be testing her 3 times a day most days, and at least twice a day - not to mention if she has an "episode" or we make an error etc etc, one pack of 100 strips is going to last an average of a month.  We are also monitoring her ketones as this could be an explanation as to why she has been dropping weight so dramatically when she has been sick.  We got a specific monitor which also tests ketones, and the strips for these are $9 for 10.  I can see if this is an ongoing thing for her that it's going to be a very expensive excercise.  the ironic thing is if she was diabetic the strips would cost us $2.10 for 100 - the ketone strips are not subsidised but I'll not complain at a $9 hit if we were only paying $2.10 for strips - it's a big difference to the $64!!! add to that all her meters, lancets and the ketone strips would be reimbursable or at the very least partly funded via our health insurance.  We are so blessed in the fact we have friends who are able to help us out with getting us strips for her meters though :)  Also dip sticks so we can see if she is dropping ketones in her urine before using the blood ketone strips.  I honestly don't want to think where we would be trying to fund this if we didn't have these friends and family to help - so if you're reading this THANK YOU!!!!

Besides the "I can't put my finger on it" illness, Aerynn has also been diagnosed with having an inguinal hernia.  I also suspect Dommy to have one as well just to join in the fun I'm sure :/  So to add to the pile of everything we are now awaiting on seeing a general surgeon to organise surgery to correct this.  It will either be done in Melbourne or if they can't fit her in in Warnambool on their 3 monthly visiting roster.  She is already having issues with the hernia bulging quite dramatically at times.  So far it has reduced ok, but the issue is where we live if it doesn't reduce and becomes a medical emergency then we have to fly her to Adelaide for surgery.  There are no facilities here in Mount Gambier (which happens to be the second biggest city here in South Australia) for children under the age of 4 to be anaethetised.  We have no paediatric services other than basic band aid repairs...  It's a little daunting to be honest.  But something the locals have been accustomed to so complaining and fighting for better services seems fruitless.  Just a grin and bear it kind of thing. 

October 6, 2013  Aerynn catching bubbles.  30 minutes later she was flat, listless and low :(

Soooooo from here, GP this afternoon to see if we can rule out anything causing Aerynns current sleepy nature.  Waiting on Mr Postie to deliver some blood glucose test strips and off to Melbourne in 10 days to see the gastroenterologist and hopefully general surgeon.  Possibly an admission to have a hernia repair - we wont know until we get there!

Measles!!!

Seriously, how unlucky can we get?  Aerynn has been diagnosed with measles :( 

                                             
 

The whole family has been down and out with the flu and then late last week I noticed a rash creeping over Aerynns neck, behind her ears, across her face and down her back.  Within an hour she had noticeable spots on her tummy.  She has been fighting illness after illness for weeks on end.  I just couldn't believe what I was seeing!  This all coming on he tail of a health department warning about a measles outbreak in Melbourne.  Surely it couldn't be happening here in front of out eyes...

Well, it was :(  Aerynn developed a classic rash, cough, conjunctivitis and fevers.  She was completely miserable :(  Even her tiny little toes and fingers had spots and rashes on them!  The rash was something I've never seen on my kidlets.  It was a raised red angry cluster of itchy dots from head to tow and there appeared to be a subcutaneous rash that was like a stain of the bumpy itchy rash...As I type this her red bumpy rash is starting to fade leaving only the staining on her skin.  Just a bit of a reminder that these last few days have been real and that we now need to be on the alert for Toby developing measles!

We have been super lucky.  The only real "complication" Aerynn had was some breathing difficulties with her cough and migraines.  We are still on the alert.  She isn't completely over it yet.  She still complains of the occasional headache which has be on edge as if another migraine appears we need to get her to hospital as there could be associated life threatening health implications still. 

Anyways, this is probably all a jumbled mess.  I'm still in the grips of the flu myself whilst trying to nurse the kids through their various illnesses so extremely sleep deprived and physically exhausted.  Here's for the next week of everyone recovering well and NO MORE BUGS PLEASE!!!

Still down...

I've all but lost track on how long it has been since Aerynn became ill.  She still hasn't recovered, nor have we had a decent quarantine period to allow her back out in the public.  We were back at the GP last Friday with a middle ear infection in both ears.  2 days on antibiotics and all the hard work we have done to get her skin clear and as sore free as possible has already been undone.  Her gut appears to have been stripped and food is going straight through her again, she has developed blisters on her skin which are having the tops burned off and bleeding no matter how quickly we change her nappies.  I'm feeling jaded but have to keep pushing through... 

She has at least 2 weeks on the antibitotics in total and then we will start trying to build her up and starting the 2 weeks quarantine again.  At this stage her birthday party we are trying to plan is still another month away :/  It's so frustrating to see time race by while she tries to beat these bugs..  But at the same time the bugs aren't anything that any other child really struggles too much with.  I feel like a big phoney complaining that she has a minor cold or an ear infection, but at the same time her symptoms and recovery time are blown out of proportion compared to a regular child...  Such a hard place to be in. 

I also have had the other children coming down with their "regular" bugs that are communicated child to child at school.  Toby is cutting his bottom two teeth and clingy as a result, Dommy is currently sleeping on the couch with temps in the high 39*-40*C and completely miserable, Kahli had last friday off school with a gastro complaint, William has the same one today...  Just waiting now for Aleks to come down with something so they all can cross this week of hell off my list LOL

So if I'm quiet again it's not because we've dropped off the face of the planet, we're just busy busy nursing out children through the next few weeks of icky germs and bug infestations...

Cake Smash!!!

We did it!!! there was a period of sunshine in a relatively bleak wet old winters day so we took the opportunity to dress Aerynn up (well you know what I mean), whip some cream and do a cake smash!!!

  

We had some issues, the biggest being our little girl has become somewhat of a little princess.  She refused to get her hands into the cake!!!

 

So we needed to get her a spoon to start eating it!  The closest she came to voluntarily "smashing" her cake was to run her fingers through the cream.

 Aleks came along and smashed her hand into the cream - much to Miss A's disgust (and boy did the neighbourhood hear about that!!!  LOL)

She also has developed an acute knowledge on where all the bugs are in the world and screams at the thought of one coming near her - Princess complex I'm sure :/

Despite all this I got some shots.  I wanted it to look like she was in her own little pixie type world enjoying her very own cake...  Not sure if I achieved it but loving the piccies anyways :D

Happy Second Birthday!!

Happy Second Birthday Miss Aerynn.  I know it was officially a few days ago, but I've only just stolen the 5 minutes to pop on here and write a little something.  For your birthday you were still unwell from a virus that wiped you out for 5 weeks now.  You're slowly regaining your strength but there are still purple shadows under your eyes and your face is a ghostly shade of white underneath the occasional flushes of colour we are now seeing come back to you. 

Aerynn, this year you celebrated your birthday with you 5 other siblings.  However you slept through the morning pre-school rush so we celebrated with you after all your older brothers and sister finished with school and daddy got home from work.  It was around 4.30pm that we gave you your gifts.  You weren't sure what to do with the wrapping paper at first but worked it out in the end - it was for ripping into confetti of course - silly mummy who thought it looked better in one piece rather than all over the floor :/ 

 

Aerynn, you were thrilled to discover under the wrapping paper (or confetti as you preferred it to be) you were spoiled with a talking "Lambie" from one of your favourite TV shows (Doc McStuffin) who is always asking you if you need a hug from Kahli.  William gave you a selection of dress up clothes and some pretties (pretend jewelry) Domenik, Aleks and Toby worked together with their gifts for you.  Dommy gave you a new baby doll, which is slightly bigger than your other dolls - he's hoping you'll grow into this one.  Aleks gave you some clothing and doll accessories and Toby a nappy bag with some cloth nappies for dolly (well mummy still needs to make them - it's kinda hard to sew things when you've been hanging off her these past 5 weeks - it WILL get done!!) and a crochet blankie for your dolls (at least mummy got one thing completed) and Mummy and daddy gave you a hamper of Minnie Mouse bits and pieces including the cutest little outfit :) 

All in all you had a what appeared to be a wonderful day.  You had lots of naps and lots of smiles, "huggems", giggles and snuggles. 

We are all praying that this year which lies ahead for you is one which is a lot easier to journey through.  We're no longer asking for answers but just for the good days to outweigh the bad and for many many happy memories to be made. 

Loving you forever and always Miss A, keep on smiling and sharing your "huggems" and being the gorgeous little pocket rocket you are :)

Love Mummy

xxx

It's a silly thing to think but I think I'll do it...

After last years reaction I am probably a little mad to think about doing another cake smash with Aerynn but I think I'm going to give it another go.  She didn't really have much clue last year what it was all about as she wasn't allowed to eat anything at that stage really, this time though - she knows what food is and LOVES to eat!  I know we're probably heading down reaction valley again that's my only guilty thought about it. 

Why we have to double think things that should be everyday joys is really frustrating to me... I'll see how tomorrow pans out though, because if it's going to happen it will be happening tomorrow!!